"I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all."

"Nietsche is Pietsche.'"

"CandyIs dandyBut liquorIs quicker."

"A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold."

"Progress might have been all right once, but it has gone on too long."

"Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else."

"When you point your finger at someone, three fingers are pointing back at you."

"Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless."

"Every event that a man would master must be mounted on the run, and no man ever caught the reins of a thought except as it galloped past him."

"It's not having what you want It's wanting what you've got."

"If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death."

"I can name the newscaster on The Simpsons, but I can't name my own congressman. And that's what makes America great."